She tells herself the first year will be the worst, tells herself that every morning in the cafeteria, every evening in the pilot lounge, every afternoon working on their ships with an empty space where he used to sit, hand her the tools, read aloud the reports and orders for the day because he knew how she hated having to scroll through those herself.

She tells herself that for a year, and she wakes up and it's the anniversary of him almost dying and her forcing him to stay alive and nothing's better - it might even be worse - and she curls up, gives herself 30 seconds to hold herself together and break before she has to get up.

Well, one more year and then it will be better, one more year and she can face him in the cafeteria without forcing herself not to flinch.